What You Give is What You Get: The Science of Sharing

Last month, Moxie Road Productions was invited by The Hivery, a fabulous women’s co-working space in Mill Valley, CA, to lead the December Creativity Circle, which is one of The Hivery’s signature programs. It features guest creatives, artists, designers, and makers who will inspire you to explore your inner artist.

Janine and I were so excited and honored. We decided to do an interactive presentation on “The Science of Sharing Through the Lens of Cognitive Science.” With Janine’s degree in cognitive science, and my passion for building and studying community, we thought it would be interesting to talk about how our mindset and language affects what we share with the world, and in turn, determines the positive feedback loop.


What exactly is cognitive science? Good question. The definition according to dear Wikipedia is “the interdisciplinary, scientific study of the mind and its processes.” When examined through a linguistic lens, it gets really interesting. What are the words that contribute to a growth mindset vs. a fixed mindset? What are the words that validate and build? How do your linguistics contribute to your core values and collaborations?

I had our class think about two different magazine articles. The first was from San Francisco Magazine, entitled “The Secret Society of Momfluencers.”

“How do those words in the title make you feel?” I asked.

The answers were obvious: alienated; negative; confused. The second article came from Departures Magazine, “You Had To Be There,” about the joy and value of real-life experiences with phrases like “the community-building powers of live entertainment.” Not surprisingly, people in the room felt included and understood. How quickly, in just a few words, can the spirit of community be tamped down - or built up.

Cognitive Science as it relates to SHARING hinges on much of the same thing: it’s about creating a positive feedback loop for yourself and for others. Because when you share something of yourself (time, love, money, wisdom) what you are actually looking for is something in return. And when you realize what you want to receive from what you give, your life will be that much fuller. This is the feedback loop that builds community.

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Janine and I spoke about the importance of understanding our CORE VALUES - like when an organization creates their mission statement. Unlike a traditional mission statement, your core values should be meaningful to you, but inherently for the greater good. Once you know these, you can examine what fuels you. You need to know what nourishes you - public speaking, working with children, etc. - and these are, in actuality, your talents. Not surprisingly, what you’re good at usually makes you feel good. This loops around to all of the possibilities, opportunities and collaborations that lie before you. As you approach each new opportunity, ask yourself, “Are my core values being supported?”

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In creating this worksheet, it afforded me and Janine the opportunity to examine the core values that brought us together and all of the collaborations that we’ve created, continue to seek out, and fuel us. Collaboration, of course, is just a fancy way of saying SHARING, a generosity of spirit that creates a deeper connection between people.

Happy New Year, friends, and remember:

  1. Show up.

  2. Sharing = Receiving.

  3. Be mindful of what fuels you. When you know what you need, you’ll be more open.

And on that note, we hope to see some of you at our annual New Year, New Moxie retreat on Saturday, January 26 for a day filled with everything that nourishes you! Check HERE for more info.


Tarja & Janine

Imagine It Into Being: Making Time To Be the Brave One

I imagined my bravery into being.

I imagined my bravery into being.

A few years ago, a friend introduced me as a writer. I wouldn’t say it out loud myself because I ‘hadn’t published anything yet.’ I liked the sound, so I adopted the label and planted a flag which said “I’m As Ready As I’ll Never Be.” It was as if I dug a trench and things started flowing to me like water. Little writing opportunities found me. People began to seek me out for small things, and then big things. All because I imagined it into being.

It felt premature for my friend to call me a writer, but I found that I caught up to it.

As people expected it of me, I behaved like one. And when I behaved like one, I became one.

I found the same thing with ‘Brave.’ I used to avoid controversy and uncomfortable situations. These last two years have taught me the value of heading straight into the heat, but not in an outraged banshee, veins bulging, tobacco spewing way.

I imagined my friend saying, “Sheri, you need to write that because you’re the Brave One.” I tried on the label and adopted the persona. I discovered the courageous voice is somewhere in between avoidance and the banshee; it is firm, true, wry, diplomatic, compassionate, direct.

I began to speak up (verbally and in writing), pretending I had people who counted on it, who wouldn’t go away until they heard it, who hid behind me and pushed me forward so I would say it. I imagined them celebrating my words because “I was the brave one.” And I imagined my bravery into being. My inner monologue became I own this 9 sq. ft. of space where I stand; I own this collection of words I birthed, even if they’re ugly. Now, I even look different when I write or act bravely. One morning, I started out drained and beige. But after typing words that were going to give me hives, I did a double take as I walked by a mirror and thought, who’s THAT?  She looked very alive.

In 2019, your courageous words are needed, words that cause discomfort, inspiration, laughter, pondering, healing.

It is brave to aim yourself into new subject matter and different audiences, to submit your piece or opinion when it’s merely good enough and not perfect, to showcase your vulnerability or to query forums that haven’t established a reputation yet. Even if you don’t feel brave, say it out loud and build the suit ahead of time. Step into this fully formed outfit and see how quickly you walk and speak like the Brave One.

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Sheri Hoffmann is a writer, public speaker, and creator of the “Contented Yes” workshop series. Sheri has presented her seminars to audiences in the East Bay and North Bay areas. In addition to performing in the 2015 production of Listen To Your Mother San Francisco, she also writes about the ridiculous, the mundane and a variety of social issues. She is a fierce advocate for writers’ voices and very protective of their writing time. She can be reached at wellandhere@gmail.com to consult with you or speak to your group about boundaries, whether you’re a writer and/or one who is relentlessly tapped for their time and skills.

Thank You! The Year in Review

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2018—We couldn’t have done it without you!

New Year, New Moxie!

All year, more moxie

Community, unity,

Creative impunity

Finishing School: teaching the tools

Regenerative Writing: open, inviting

Gathering places

Word spaces

Pop-up bookstores

Pop-up run

Litquake, Lit Crawl—don’t walk, RUN!

Raising voices

—podcasts, books!—

Ring that bell

All ends well


Time To Honor The Writing: Reining In December to Protect Your January Soul

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In October, I was already writing things in my December. I panicked at the pace of ‘Save the Date!’ invites. Our own holiday family traditions still needed to land somewhere, too.

If you’re like me, I don’t expect to do a lot of writing in December (especially if we’ve just NaNoWriMo’d.) However, when I overbook December, I seem to pay a price in January. My creative energy has a hard time ramping up; it takes several weeks to shake off December. This month’s frenzy has a long reach and can steal our creative life in the new year. Here’s something that helps me tame December, basically through the tough love of cushion building:

December has 14 days (Fri-Sun) which are “open,” plus one or two weekdays/nights. I spy 20 open days! (I swear I heard you gasp. Or maybe that was me.)  I can only manage one activity a day because I am not hardy enough for more. Since there’s no way I’ll do 20 activities, I slash 8 of those days, leaving only around 12 days open. The 8 days are my cushion. They’re not written anywhere yet; they’re merely off the table, and will become ‘blackout dates’ on my calendar to use as my mood sees fit, like stay-home-and-catch-our-breath days.

I then start a messy informal list with 12 empty spots, (you hardy ones can add more) in which I write:

  • activities I’ve been invited to already…that I enjoy,

  • invites I know are coming…that I’ll enjoy,

  • an enticing invite that could come out of nowhere but hasn’t appeared yet,

  • activities we traditionally do with our own family or close friends.  

You’ll be surprised at how fast that list fills up. It may frighten you. The reality will stare you in the face, much like thinking you have $500 in your account but your checkbook shows $12. Nothing stops the over-spending like the shock of $12. Choose well.  

This isn’t perfect science, but the whole point is to keep us from speeding into a hasty yes, so we can make thoughtful, realistic commitments. It turns down the volume on December so we can walk a bit more calmly into January. All those creative things have waited patiently for us and we’ll be in a tranquil mindset to find them.